I’m mit Mitt

I'm mit MittI’m mit Mitt.

No, not politically, but I just like the sound of the not quite palindromic expression that uses the comedic flavor of the Germanic language family to play off of an unlikely name of a Presidential candidate.

“I’m mit Mitt.”

Now that’s funny and has tested off the charts with the Bavarian demographic in the Little Naziland neighborhood, that sits uncharted, just outside of Boise.

But unless CNN was being sarcastic, we are doomed as a culture, hearing them describe Mitt Romney as the “stand-up comedian” within the group of this years’ Republican Presidential hopefuls. Whereas we’re all used to seeing Anderson Cooper giggling like a middle school aged girl, you rarely see Candy Crowley lose it and give away the joke.

So we’ll never know whether they were serious about Romney’s comedic skills and talents.

I’m going to vote for “sarcastic” as the tone of that  description of Romney. He’s had lots of time over the past couple of decades to establish the “lighter side of Mitt.” I don’t think anyone can blame the left leaning media for shielding the American public from that view of Romney, the man.

What is it with Massachusetts politicians that have national political aspirations? Why can’t they return to the days when a Massachusetts bred President could casually bed a teenage intern and still be lovable, funny and charming?

All while steering the world through a showdown with Armageddon

Dukakis, Kerry and Romney have so much to learn from their more likable and successful predecessor. For Dukakis and Kerry it’s way too late, but who knows, maybe Mitt can pull this one out of his glove, yet.

But let’s face it, Romney just can’t catch a break, but he certainly doesn’t do himself any favors when he speaks.

I’m certain that the upcoming Eddie Murphy movie, Thousand Words, is going to be a bomb, as his efforts seem to be on one end of the spectrum or the other, but the concept of having a limited number of words alloted to you during a lifetime sounds like a great idea, especially after watching most of the GOP debates.

For Mitt, he should save his words for the ones that have been carefully scripted and stay away from the ad lib comments.

It’s bad enough that no one believes that he’s a Christian and that fellow Republicans berate him for being a capitalist. They’re angry with him for making money. They’re angry with him for taking advantage of what is allowed by the tax code and they’re angry with him because he’s been so successful at fund raising.

But those are the professional politicians and those that are lifelong zealots, just venting their venom.

At least the common man is in his corner.

After all, what everyday man can’t feel a collegial and kindred spirit with a guy whose father was Governor and whose mother ran for the Senate? Besides, everyone can agree that it’s fun to fire people. We already know that he enjoys firing people. Maybe that’s not what he really meant, but that’s how it sounded to everyone, with or without a job.

And who can’t identify with the $10,000 bet?

What an odd amount to choose when casually offering to bet or even when emotionally calling to challenge someone’s grasp on the accuracy of their data.

When you bet someone $1 million, everyone knows its hyperbole. When you bet a dollar, everyone knows that it’s just to prove a point. Now, when you bet $10,000 people know that you really want to make that wager and expect that your betting mate wil be honorable, as will you when the time comes to settle. Marquis of Queennsbury style.

Now Romney potentially losing the primary in what is called his home state of Michigan isn’t on the same level as Al Gore losing Tennessee.

That was big.

No one in their right mind would have pegged Romney a being from Michigan. But trying to recover from his outspoken opposition to the auto industry bailout has left him having to re-ingratiate himself with those that are once again back on the line and perhaps a bit sensitive to the fact that Romney wasn’t on their side when it counted.

He almost did it, too. Referring to Michigan as having “Trees at just the right height,” was truly inspired to win over the hearts of even the most anti-Mormon evangelical believers to his camp.

Who among us can’t honestly say “You had me at trees.”

And so, victory was his, that is until he let out that his wife drives Cadillacs.

Two Cadillacs.

For those listening really carefully, or playing back the video, what he really said was that his “wives drove Cadillacs.”

That may also explain why he had multiple tents set up in his camp.

Almost makes you want to pull for a Toyota resurgence in the marketplace.

Still, my favorite funny line has to be the one after getting “glitter bombed” by a supporter of Gay Rights.

“That’s not all I have in my hair.”

OK. Care to elaborate? Was he referring to some kind of “There’s Something about Mary” situation? 

But look, I may not be mit Mitt, but I’m beginning to understand how he must be feeling and I also understand how those looking at him, who would never be caught alive voting for Obama’s re-election, must be feeling.

No, it’s not because I was clearly bred to run for President, and no, I don’t have the chiseled good looks and the well funded portfolio.

Lately, it seems that whatever I’ve been doing with my portfolio, despite the well formulated plan, is falling short. Pointing to past performance isn’t worth the good will I thought it would be. No stock is offering itself to me at great value just because I had a reasonably good history. It’s almost as if running the Salt Lake City WInter Olympics was worth nothing, other than for the bribes.

And I totally get the accusations of being a flip-flopper.

I’ve spent the last 4 years utterly devoted to creating income by selling covered call options, but all of a sudden I’m on the other side of the spectrum, spending more time selling puts, instead.

If anything is the “Newt Gingrich of financial derivatives,” well, there you have it.

Now, I know that those are really the same, but they’re not. Sure, they both offer income streams, but one reflects a negative outlook, while the other a positive outlook.

Selling puts is the ultimate expression of being at one with the common man. Whereas I’ve been happy to sell covered calls, real happiness came when stock prices went down and offered the opportunity to buy the contracts back and then do the process all over again and again.

But doing so came at the expense of the vast majority that only want to see prces move upward.

If only the world were as simple as Apple.

Sure, go ahead. Call me a flip flopper, but I’ve seen the light. At least I didn’t sell my soul by taking one for the team.

Of course that doesn’t make sense, but the problem has to be traced back to paying attention.

I’ve lived my life on the court-room scene in Animal House, when “He’s on a roll'” was understood to mean that sometimes it’s just best to ignore reality and facts.

Poor Mitt. No one wants him.

“Anyone but Mitt'”

But as I’ve seen the past month, as prices are nearing 4 year highs, sometimes it’s hard to make a choice when there really aren’t many good options.

Sometimes you take the one with the best birthing hips.

What I hope to learn from Romney is patience.

He may not be very funny, he may not have much in common with anybody, yet he is patient.

He just keeps plugging away and does so while his opponents flame and drop out of the public’s eye.

Being the last person standing is some kind of a victory, at least until the next battle.

This week, I only need to replace about 40% of my portfolio.


So the battle begins right where it left off, other than the fact that I’ll find myself with more shares of Research in Motion and MolyCorp, as result of those sold put contracts being exercised.

I’ll also stare at the large position in those ProShares UltraShort Silver and wonder why, on a day that silver fell about 0.9%, the short leveraged ETF also fell.

Like Mitt, lately those shares can’t catch a break, either and there’s more precious metal boosting words coming from Ben Bernanke this week.

AS much as I like Bernanke, I do wish that he’d buy into that concept of a lifetimeallocation of words, and maybe just use hand gestures at the committe hearing this week.

No one could ever compare Ben Bernanke to Rick Santorum, but as far as my ProShares UltraShort Silver ETF shares go, Bernanke is the latest challenger, but I don’t think that he’ll be flaming out anytime soon.

Patience, as the Book of Mitt teaches.




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